You’re watching the evening news, and Anderson Cooper announces that the Zombie Apocalypse has officially begun… What do you do? Board up the windows? Push the dinner table against the kitchen door, and shove your couch in front of the living room door before shutting off all the lights to cower in darkness?
If this is your idea of a hideout during the Zombie Apocalypse, ask all the dead people in every zombie movie how that worked out. The truth is that few places are perfect, and most of us don’t have access to those types of hideouts.
If we had to name one perfect hideout it would be the Greenbrier Resort; A luxury resort in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia. This hotel features a massive underground bunker beneath the property. You can find out more about the fully stocked nuclear bunker here. However, most of us normal people don’t have access to nuclear bunkers, so where are are the best places for us to hide out? We’ve tackled the issue head-on and narrowed it down to our top 5 places to hide in the Zombie Apocalypse. But first, these are the criteria we feel are important when choosing an appropriate hideout:
How many points of entry? No really, how many points of entry? How thick and what material are the walls and doors? Is there a sniper roost from within your shelter that you can see the entire perimeter from?
The best defense is not being found in the first place. Can the undead hear or smell you from outside? Does your home look enticing to marauders who may want to evict you?
Do you have a secure second or even third exit should your position becomes overrun?
Is there an accessible source of food, water, and alternative power? Is there enough room to grow crops and raise animals?
Is there room for more than just you? After a few weeks it can get awful lonely as “the last man on earth”. If you are with a group, do you have a good supply of books or board games to entertain the troops? Enough room to bury the trouble makers?
There are advantages and disadvantages to every hideout, some of the top contenders that did not make the top five are: Castles(Where the hell is there a castle here anyways?), Remote Farm Houses(See Night of the Living Dead 1968), Islands(Isolated, but who knows if zombies can swim?), Stadiums(Generally only found in large populous centers), Antarctica(uh.. Antarctica), Junk Yards(Lots of things to McGuyver into awesome zombie slaying utensils, however they are not known for perimeter security being more than a chain link fence and a dog) and Bridges(Not a lot of natural resources to be found on a bridge, should you want to eat at some point during the apocalypse). Some of these would be ideal in certain circumstances, but most have horrible flaws.
#5: Dock House
No we’re not getting sentimental here, think about it; One entrance that is destructible, a food and water source under your feet, access to land should you need it and an emergency get away boat out the back door.
#4: Supermarket Rooftop
It might seem a little cliche, but the majority of super marts have a mostly flat roof, with one or maybe two access points that are ridiculously easy to defend. Even after the looting there will still be plenty of supplies to pick through on your daily excursions into the lower half of your hideout. Recently supermarkets have been adding solar panels and community gardens to their rooftops, check with your local -mart to see if your near one of them. Bonus: Most large supermarkets have a backup generator to keep their refrigerators on in case of power outage.
#3: Hi Rise Building / Construction Site
Out of all of our top five, these will require the most effort to clear out before moving in. Once you have cleared out all the way up to your new pent house, think of what you have just made for yourself. After blowing out all the windows, doors and obstacles on the first three floors. Securing your newly fortified single access point and attaching zip lines to several near by buildings. You have however many floors above to do whatever the hell you want with, with however many friends you want to bring along. Terra form the top floor into your own personal garden, pass time by picking off the meandering zombie horde in the streets, the options are endless in this end-of-the-world fun house.
#2: Oil Rig
Why go from urban paradise in your Hi-Rise heaven to a rusted out man made island off the coast? Location, location, location. How many zombies on an oil rig? Odds are not even a human will still be out there. The staff would have abandoned post when they found out their grandmas retirement home has turned into the local zombie one stop deli. Entrances can be limited to one, and boats can be seen coming from great distances. Set up a simple de-salination station and you have all the water you can drink, hearty potted plants and a steady diet of fish will be like a permanent Hawaiian vacation. OK, maybe not that nice, but still, you gotta admire the views.
Of course the number one Zombie Apocalypse Survival Hideout is a prison, the ultimate prison being Alcatraz. Prisons have their own medical centers, kitchens, exercise yards, work out rooms, libraries, water supplies, generators, guard towers and above all else a triply fenced perimeter with kill funnels and multiple gated access doors. The only problem might be ousting the current survivors, as they may be of a less than desirable character.
There you have it, our Top Five Zombie Apocalypse Hideouts. Should you have anything to add, you’re probably wrong.
Stay safe, stay alive.